I am absolutely sickened by the perpetual two-facedness of some women who use sex as a weapon in their endless struggle to get their way. Nothing turns me on more than a woman in the workplace in a short skirt and hosiery (a nice pair of legs is a bonus of course). There is absolutely nothing ‘wrong’ with admiring this and there is no way that a woman is unaware of the clear message she sends out when she dresses in a sexually provocative way. It is a very strong message but (and this is the important point) it goes out to all of us. ALL of mankind see her and she knows what’s going on inside our minds (and trousers!). To all you women out there – that’s not smut or perversion or filth or being dirty! That’s being NORMAL and being a man. No man is unaffected by sexually alluring dress so its about time that women took some responsibility in the messages they send out. All men are affected – no matter what age, colour, level of ability (or disability), colour of hair, level of income or whatever. We are ALL sexual beings who get turned on by pretty much the same things.
I am deeply annoyed and frustrated by the female attitude that they can dress raunchily for work just to attract a particular man. This is usually the boss and it seems to me that in any walk of life stockings, suspenders, short skirts and high heels go with power, money and position and nothing else. That leaves a lot of us guys in an invidious position: we are attracted like bees around a jam jar to Miss be-stockinged but unless we have the right level of power, money and position we are condemned to a miserable and frustrating existence where our sexual attractions are lived out only in fantasy. It’s all about power and how any woman can treat a man’s normal sexual instincts with contempt just beggars belief! To all those guys who are caught out looking at a lovely stockinged leg or a skirt riding up a lithe leg, I say this. You are not in the wrong. You are normal. But, I guess, you may possess the wrong configuration of power, money and position or be of the wrong age or perhaps have the wrong looks. Those dealt two queens and a king can run their hands up those stockinged legs as much as they want to. Those who were dealt two twos and a three just have their porno mags.
So women, don’t call the man ‘caught’ looking at your legs a pervert if you are not also prepared to use that bitterly insulting epithet for the man you are wearing your stockings for as well. You don’t want to have double standards now, do you? I have a hairy chest which a lot of women find sexy. I know that because I sometimes ‘catch’ them stealing a glimpse of it under my shirt. But I don’t run off to my boss and complain of sexual harassment when this happens and I certainly don’t label them perverts no matter how un-attractive they might be to me. If you want equality then have uniform standards for ALL people.
I am 37 and single. I am normal in that I think women in stockings look like dynamite. I would love nothing more than a partner who could satisfy me in every way and for me that would have to include stockings. As you might have guessed I live a very frustrated life. But dynamite these girls are, and they can explode violently against you if they want to.
– I really enjoyed your thesis on stockings and responsibility; I think we agree on most of the points you made.
Dress codes are (or should be) in place to protect everyone in the workplace – regardless of gender. Those guidelines help to foster a relationship between peers for the sake of the work and not encourage illicit behaviour. Over time there has been an erosion of personal responsibility and a sense of propriety.
Whether we like it or not, we women cannot escape the plain truth that as men, you are hard wired to focus continually on sexual stimuli – whether it be a woman’s legs, her backside, whatever. Occasionally I find myself admiring a woman for her attractiveness. We as humans are drawn to people and things that we find pleasing – and a woman’s figure is pleasing to the eye. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t consider a man’s glance at a part of my anatomy to be offensive – what can be though is if it’s followed up by a suggestive facial expression, or lewd comment muttered only for the woman to hear. Those make you shiver. Sometimes we wonder where thought stops and action begins.
Please allow me to play Devil’s Advocate for a moment. A woman from our local area was found beaten, assaulted and murdered, and her body dumped in a wooded area. Two men were arrested for the crime. The woman had been an exotic dancer; they had been at a club watching this woman dance. They allowed their feelings/impulses (fuelled, of course by a tremendous amount of alcohol) to impair their judgement. They were not satisfied with watching this woman dance – they had to put their feelings/impulses into action. Their defence was that she was a dancer – therefore of loose morals and expendable. They looked upon her as nothing more than an outlet for their own needs.
Now, to use your theory, by acting/dressing in a sexually provocative way, and giving off certain “signals”, this young lady “egged on” these two men, and therefore was responsible for her own demise. Yes, these men were clearly affected by her dancing; are you excusing what happened due to the circumstances? It was not a conventional workplace and therefore all bets are off? Does this mean that a woman walking down the street in a summer dress is liable to be assaulted, and because the dress was short she deserves what happens?
Do I think her choice of occupation eventually led to her murder? No, not really. I think she should have had a little more respect for herself than to be in that line of work. But that was her choice to make; she needn’t have died for it. I had met the woman briefly once or twice; she was bright, funny and gracious. It needn’t have happened.
I guess I need to acknowledge that you agree with personal responsibility on both sides – when assumptions are made, things like the above situation happen. We as women should not have to shroud ourselves in black flowing robes in order to feel safe; you should be adult enough to control your impulses. There is a time and place for everything – what one wears out to a club is indecent for office wear. Those are the lines that have blurred. But, women should have enough respect for themselves not to flaunt in public. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should.
I would welcome your comments, and anyone else’s. I’m not looking for a battle; just some honest talk about gender and our roles in today’s world.
– You reveal a feminine perspective on social change and male-female ethics that I find real world, as well as very educational.
Your descriptions of your attire preferences generate a very real vision for me. Your understanding of how men are wired emotionally and physically is unique. Your communication of how things work – and how they should work – is comforting.
– Your posting is deep and thoughtful. I agree with much of what I recall you posted, but I don’t agree with all of your posting.
We are in agreement about the responsibility and abuses of power. But, I disagree with your assessment of how women hold power with their dress. I also disagree that it takes wealth and power to succeed in relationships with women.
Your expressed frustration with your current relationship void is unnecessary. Create the vision for what type of relationship you desire, develop a plan you believe will help you achieve it, and make it happen by sharing your happiness.
By nature, men are physically stronger. That provides men a relationship edge that most women admire, but men absolutely must not abuse. Our chemical make up makes us more aggressive, and conventions in society provide men with the ability to initiate relationships with women they find desirable. (I have no problem with women that lose patience waiting and make the first move.)
Also, I disagree that women are exclusively attracted to power, and money. The myth that a man needs great looks to succeed with women is just that. Women are less visual than men.
A man’s looks are almost always secondary to how confident and secure a man makes a lady feel. Women are “wired” to seek out the best protectors and providers. Women consider men that project confidence attractive protectors and providers.
The world is full of men and women that compromise themselves for money, but women are less materially driven than men by nature. By nature, men hunt and keep score – women nurture and care.
While in college, I married a drop-dead gorgeous girl built like a MIT-designed brick @!#$ house. She still has her school-girl looks and rediscovered her girlish figure through strength training. She loves to delight me by wearing stockings, but has found they provide her an air of confidence she loves.
I am the son of a handicapped blue-collar worker that didn’t possess a high school diploma, and I am not good looking. My wife married me and provided for me before I could provide for her.
Before marrying, I dated maidens that later became Miss Ohio and Miss Kentucky. The eventual Miss Ohio I dated told me I helped her believe she could overcome obstacles she felt were beyond her. The eventual Miss Kentucky dated me after I directed her campus political campaign.
My father, who achieved financial success after I married and he was 60, taught me success in relationships was as simple as building trust, projecting confidence, and making the other person feel confident. He felt the principle applied to women and men. To Dad, trust came from being honest and reliable. Projecting confidence resulted from setting goals and executing basic fundamentals every day; and making others feel confident was a result of treating them exactly how I wanted to be treated.
I realise my assertions come off like sophomoric bragging, but my point is that women – more than men – find their power through acceptance and trusting relationships. A successful relationship with a quality lady is always built on a foundation of friendship and trust. Establishing that relationship requires the confidence to start the relationship, and the commitment of caring loyalty.
The physical side follows – except for the lucky few guys with great looks that get bowled over.
Allow me to suggest you can compete. First, recreate your vision to include the values and personality qualities you seek in a relationship. Identify exactly how you see your ideal lady treating you. Your expectations for physical beauty do not need to be reduced, but values and relationship ethics added.
Introducing stockings as part of your vision will come after you developed a relationship. Making it part of your vision is putting a barrier in front of the potential of a great relationship. When you build their confidence and trust, they’ll wear stockings for you.
Let me suggest two very strong confidence builders for you that you. The first is in a book called the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. Dr. Covey details in his book the need to understand – before being understood. He also details six other principles that enable success in life. Dr. Covey teaches how to do what my father preached
The second confidence builder I suggest is Bill Phillips, Body for Life. Go to www.BodyforLife.com right now. Body for Life is a 12-week fitness program that changes lives. By the second week – before you see physical results – your confidence will hit an all-time high. It grows each week after that.
My wife went through the program, and I saw her confidence explode. I went through the program and follow the routine. It takes four hours a week.
Body for Life will enable you to compete in your mind, and in reality, with 25-year-old men physically. Many that complete the program find “soul mates” among others that employ “Body for Life” as a physical and mental health supplement.
After 12 weeks, you won’t have a confidence issue when you meet the type of lady that fits your vision. You might find the type of lady you’re attracted to will be approaching you.
I’m on the other side of 40, and 20-something girls approach me in the health club to converse. Men engage my wife in conversation much, much, more often than before she completed the program. We’re happily married, but we each enjoy the confidence boost this interest provides us.